Attention, attention! It is that time of the year, my not so Swedish friends. A time of suspense and "oy moi gourd"-ing, a time of ecstasy and "oym soy excoyted"-ing. It's time for Australia's Next Top Module/Westie Scrag as well, but what I'm really getting at is the return of fashion season!
After a glorious summer (for some of us, perhaps; I have actually seen rather a lot of dreary rain of late), it is time to redirect our eyes and Prada sunglasses back to the international runways. First on the scene for those of us who are Not So Swedish, and thus Danish, is Copenhagen Fashion Week. Not just because it is amazing, and sort of like following indie musicians before they sell out, but also because we know that Copenhagen averages a little over four hours of sunshine a day each year, which makes us wonder why they bother presenting summer collections at all. It seems to me that vampire over-population would be a more pressing concern in a land of permanent night, (or at least lack of sun), but rest assured: DANSK word smiths, the Madsens appear to have seen Twilight, so they will know all about how Scandinavia offers vampires the perfect opportunity to tone down the sparkle. That they only watched Twilight because of KStew is besides the point.
So yes my darlings, I will be reviewing Copenhagen shortly, and after that is done and over with, I anticipate that preparations will have to be made for New York, London, Milan, and Paris. I have a whole system set up with spread sheets and quadratic equations and stuff, so my reviews will be based on scientific results and statistical analysis that none of the Australian modules would be able to do.
Except maybe the one that was born under the tree. I have a good feeling about her. Well, I think so, any way. There were like, 100 girls, minus one that was either picked off by Charlotte Dawson for looking like a Clearasil ad or by Alex Perry for not being expensive enough. And then they got rid of 79, either because they were too fat, too skinny, or not expensive. So I'm really not sure if girl-born-under-tree made the top 20. I can tell you the was one with pink and blue hair named Izzy did though. Pezza said he loved her, and I proceeded to chirp Grey's Anatomy jokes to my enormous teddy bear, Augustus III.
Oh yes, and there was a new Cassie, who is just as much of a bogan as Cassi van den Dungenmunchhausenshoovennoob was, just she's not as skinny, looks more like Dumbo the elephant than a crack whore with broken teeth, is apparently a bit more expensive than Cassi van den Dungenhaagendaasteiger because she said she'd like to work retail for "Supre or Gucci" instead of just "Supre," and is an "indishennussstrayen," which I hope means "aboriginal," because the concept of an aboriginal bogan will win Sarah Murdoch the Nobel Peace Prize, and AusNTM the rest of Australia's viewership. Oh, and before you comment on how they both have shit runway walks, New Cassie didn't shout "FUCK" at the end of the runway, so at least she's got that going for her. To my great disappointment, her lack of cursing also signals a lack of anger issues, which means that I cannot look forward to any potential new Lola van Vorsts (re: Izzy, and that girl that everyone thinks is pretty, but General Dawson and I think is pretty bitchy) recreating my favorite moment in the history of all Top Model franchises across the globe, and inducing a wall-punching session. (For those of you who need to be informed of this in full detail, click here to observe what will forever be referred to as "major angerness".)
Somewhere in the world, assuming she cares, our favorite bogan from Logan is shaking her head in disbelief at. Or getting ready for fashion season, because in case nobody noticed, somebody is apparently back in business after finishing her Kit-Cat bar, because I'm feeling especially punny today.
But since I brought up Lola van Vorst earlier, can we discuss for a moment how Cat McNeil and Hilary Rhonda's lovechild dyed her hair blonde and went from being dead sexy to being, well, still dead sexy, but edgy and blonde too? She's been churning out new work like a poor man's Freja this summer, which she occasionally posts on her Tumblr and Twitter, which I followed because I have no more convenient ways of knowing when it's 11:11 in Sydney (It just passed, like, two hours ago, in case you're wondering. Cheers, sexy.). Not expecting to see her on runways this fall, but then, who am I to underestimate the power of invisible eyebrows?
She even has a tFS thread now, which I would have started if someone hadn't beaten me to it, and for all I know, you can put that on your resume. All I'm saying is that AusNTM started with 99 problems this season, but this bitch ain't one.
Your emails have been ever so kind this summer, all three of them were real soul-stirrers. Maybe sending one of those to Rrose Selavy will convince her to return to her Freja blogging ways. I apologize for my own extended absence... the beheading of Ned Stark in Game of Thrones was simply too much for me to handle. (Not because of Stark -- I knew that was going to happen because unlike everyone else in the world, I read that shit when I was twelve -- but because the Ring of Power has evidently driven Sean Bean to decide that life is no longer worth living.) I hope you have all enjoyed your summers (Or winters, depending where you are. Like Australia, or Westeros, for example.) as much as I have.
Sidebar: I also hope you noticed that Wayne Rooney got hair implants. Fingers crossed he shares his doctor with the Prince of Cambridge in the coming years.
I'll do my best to have a Copenhagen review up within the next two weeks, as well as finally finishing up the Top High Fashion Runway Model Ranks so you know who to watch this fashion season. Not that it really matters, the toppers will probably be at every farking show again this season, so you'll catch on quick enough. Laters!
Peace, love, and floating,
Gill Ford
P.S.: People who watch AusNTM would be well advised to start reading Jo Blogs and Bland Canyon. People who don't would be well advised to ditch Tyra Banks and start.
Photos courtesy of tFS user AriLove, juliawheeler.blogspot.com, lovelola.tumblr.com
After a glorious summer (for some of us, perhaps; I have actually seen rather a lot of dreary rain of late), it is time to redirect our eyes and Prada sunglasses back to the international runways. First on the scene for those of us who are Not So Swedish, and thus Danish, is Copenhagen Fashion Week. Not just because it is amazing, and sort of like following indie musicians before they sell out, but also because we know that Copenhagen averages a little over four hours of sunshine a day each year, which makes us wonder why they bother presenting summer collections at all. It seems to me that vampire over-population would be a more pressing concern in a land of permanent night, (or at least lack of sun), but rest assured: DANSK word smiths, the Madsens appear to have seen Twilight, so they will know all about how Scandinavia offers vampires the perfect opportunity to tone down the sparkle. That they only watched Twilight because of KStew is besides the point.
So yes my darlings, I will be reviewing Copenhagen shortly, and after that is done and over with, I anticipate that preparations will have to be made for New York, London, Milan, and Paris. I have a whole system set up with spread sheets and quadratic equations and stuff, so my reviews will be based on scientific results and statistical analysis that none of the Australian modules would be able to do.
Except maybe the one that was born under the tree. I have a good feeling about her. Well, I think so, any way. There were like, 100 girls, minus one that was either picked off by Charlotte Dawson for looking like a Clearasil ad or by Alex Perry for not being expensive enough. And then they got rid of 79, either because they were too fat, too skinny, or not expensive. So I'm really not sure if girl-born-under-tree made the top 20. I can tell you the was one with pink and blue hair named Izzy did though. Pezza said he loved her, and I proceeded to chirp Grey's Anatomy jokes to my enormous teddy bear, Augustus III.
Oh yes, and there was a new Cassie, who is just as much of a bogan as Cassi van den Dungenmunchhausenshoovennoob was, just she's not as skinny, looks more like Dumbo the elephant than a crack whore with broken teeth, is apparently a bit more expensive than Cassi van den Dungenhaagendaasteiger because she said she'd like to work retail for "Supre or Gucci" instead of just "Supre," and is an "indishennussstrayen," which I hope means "aboriginal," because the concept of an aboriginal bogan will win Sarah Murdoch the Nobel Peace Prize, and AusNTM the rest of Australia's viewership. Oh, and before you comment on how they both have shit runway walks, New Cassie didn't shout "FUCK" at the end of the runway, so at least she's got that going for her. To my great disappointment, her lack of cursing also signals a lack of anger issues, which means that I cannot look forward to any potential new Lola van Vorsts (re: Izzy, and that girl that everyone thinks is pretty, but General Dawson and I think is pretty bitchy) recreating my favorite moment in the history of all Top Model franchises across the globe, and inducing a wall-punching session. (For those of you who need to be informed of this in full detail, click here to observe what will forever be referred to as "major angerness".)
Somewhere in the world, assuming she cares, our favorite bogan from Logan is shaking her head in disbelief at. Or getting ready for fashion season, because in case nobody noticed, somebody is apparently back in business after finishing her Kit-Cat bar, because I'm feeling especially punny today.
Hugo Boss S/S 2011
I was planning on quoting lyrics from "E.T." by Katy Perry as a caption for these photos, but the only words that sprang to mind were "Ima disrobe you, then ima probe you," which felt a little crass for the demure fashion crowd, besides not getting my point across at all. Short of it: looked like an alien, closed the show, I clapped a little.
But since I brought up Lola van Vorst earlier, can we discuss for a moment how Cat McNeil and Hilary Rhonda's lovechild dyed her hair blonde and went from being dead sexy to being, well, still dead sexy, but edgy and blonde too? She's been churning out new work like a poor man's Freja this summer, which she occasionally posts on her Tumblr and Twitter, which I followed because I have no more convenient ways of knowing when it's 11:11 in Sydney (It just passed, like, two hours ago, in case you're wondering. Cheers, sexy.). Not expecting to see her on runways this fall, but then, who am I to underestimate the power of invisible eyebrows?
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Tell me I'm wrong
She even has a tFS thread now, which I would have started if someone hadn't beaten me to it, and for all I know, you can put that on your resume. All I'm saying is that AusNTM started with 99 problems this season, but this bitch ain't one.
Your emails have been ever so kind this summer, all three of them were real soul-stirrers. Maybe sending one of those to Rrose Selavy will convince her to return to her Freja blogging ways. I apologize for my own extended absence... the beheading of Ned Stark in Game of Thrones was simply too much for me to handle. (Not because of Stark -- I knew that was going to happen because unlike everyone else in the world, I read that shit when I was twelve -- but because the Ring of Power has evidently driven Sean Bean to decide that life is no longer worth living.) I hope you have all enjoyed your summers (Or winters, depending where you are. Like Australia, or Westeros, for example.) as much as I have.
Sidebar: I also hope you noticed that Wayne Rooney got hair implants. Fingers crossed he shares his doctor with the Prince of Cambridge in the coming years.
I'll do my best to have a Copenhagen review up within the next two weeks, as well as finally finishing up the Top High Fashion Runway Model Ranks so you know who to watch this fashion season. Not that it really matters, the toppers will probably be at every farking show again this season, so you'll catch on quick enough. Laters!
Peace, love, and floating,
Gill Ford
P.S.: People who watch AusNTM would be well advised to start reading Jo Blogs and Bland Canyon. People who don't would be well advised to ditch Tyra Banks and start.
Photos courtesy of tFS user AriLove, juliawheeler.blogspot.com, lovelola.tumblr.com
